Monday, November 13, 2006


Why is it that I keep dreaming about people from my past? I'm not dreaming about past events but rather people from my past in currant times. By currant I mean that we discuss my illness, some ask how I am doing; some I'm telling what's happened for the first time, while others, nothing said at all. Every dream is different but the theme or overall feeling remains the same. It's a feeling of solace. As if somewhere within that dream exist what I most need, that feeling of comfort. Every dream has this feeling but in a reminiscing kind of way and not in a currant ongoing way. Almost as a reminder of how I used to feel; what made me happy as a human being. It was the simple things that gave me the biggest sense of completeness and comfort. It was sitting on the cliffs at Minnawoska State Park playing my flute and watching the hawks fly around the lake, climbing the lemon squeeze at Mohawk Mountain in 100 degree weather and finding a cave with snow in it. Sipping a cup of Java in silence and staring off into nowhere lost in thought. Stillness… but stillness within an active world. The ability to watch the world whiz around me and not be caught up in it. The art of simple observation, with its only betrayal being a knowing smile. It's true that I've lost this aspect of myself or rather it's been confined and caged up with a very limited view. No longer within the world observing, but rather trapped within the confines of my house and my mind, with my only outlet being my dreams. Perhaps this is why I'm having these dreams with people from my past. Like a favorite TV show whose single purpose in life is to allow the viewer to escape the stress of everyday life. The difference is that these dreams don't have plots or stories to tell of there own, they are just a series of simple unscripted interactions between myself and others. Solace within the mundane. For me, being or attaining true happiness and feeling complete in life comes down to these moments in life, the purist sense of enlightenment come from the simplest things.

No comments: