Friday, June 30, 2006


Its funny how different groups of friends can represent different parts of ones life. You meet so many people over the course of your life and people inevitable go their separate ways and lead their separate lives. Each existing in their own worlds apart from the ones they used to know. I see these groups of people in time periods, each existing in another life that was part of my past. I look at my life that way. As a series of past lives or chapters if you will, that dont necessarily connect with each other. Yet these people have all influenced my life dramatically and have shaped who I am today. How many chapters or lives have I led? And how are all of these people that I call friends so different from each other? I try to picture all of the people Ive ever known put together in one room and I have to laugh, it would be like a bowl of Skittles mixed with M&Ms. A bizarre combo that may look interesting but you might want to separate them before sampling. Everyone in your life teaches you something to carry with you in your next life. And life does go in a circle. My friends are proof of this. Connecting with long lost friends has been amazing, high school friends remind us of how stupid we really were and they allow us to see how far weve come. Collage friends remind us that we used to have a brain and how we used to want to explore new ideas with vigor. Adult friends, who complain about the price of gas, bills, and bosses, give us our sense of purpose in life and remind us of things we would rather be doing with our lives. I used to say when I was younger that I am the sum of all my friends. I never understood what I was saying, but now Im beginning to realize just how true that statement is, and I am thankful to have had so many different kinds of people influence my life.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

The Powers That Be..

Cant sleep do to more bad news on my health. Its becoming overwhelming. SO much is going through my head. I think my brain needs a serious vacation! Some people turn to spirituality when they become seriously ill. They become full of faith. Start believing in God or whoever. They pray, or ask why me. As if an illness is a direct consequence to doing something bad. Is the rest of the question of why me really mean ; and not somebody else? It seems to me that the more ill I become the less I am preoccupied with my spirituality. So many things that Ive believed are changing. Like if your out of balance you can become ill or your life is in disarray. The truth is I feel more in balance then I ever have? And more at peace with my self? Yet my body is trying to kill it self? I found myself saying to The powers that be, what the fuck? Not only do I get a rare disease, but I get an even rarer lung disease on top of it? Im so rare a case that Im the only person in the world to have this combo, will become a lab rat, and am being written about in medical journals. I think the Gods or whoever and what ever you believe in have joined the times and discovered voice mail! They just havent figured out how to answer it yet. Or Im truly learning that the powers that be really only exist inside ones self, and that everything else is just our minds attempt at trying to conceptualize this feeling into words for others to hear. Strength comes from within, encouragement comes from others. Both are needed. The Gods didnt save my but in the hospital, my doctors and a primal need to survive did. Sheer will and determination on my part did. The truth is I never once thought about my spirituality. Im not questioning spirituality or the concept of a higher power Im just questioning where it actually comes from?

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Hospital Comedy...

Sanity? How long can you hold on to it in the hospital? How many licks does it take to lose your mind, and how do you know when youve started to lose it.....

Not only do start watching Jerry Springer, you enjoy it.

You find infomercials informing and entertaining.

You sleep with your arm off the side of the bed so the vampires who draw your blood dont wake you up.

You know the hospital menu by heart, and start looking forward to sandwich day.

You start hording condiments, bandages, and toiletries in an effort to obtain a survival kit because you will inevitably be missing these items or not get them at all.

You start using your call button as a source of entertainment.

You start looking forward to tests because it means you get to leave your room for a while.

And finally, you know where all the EXIT signs are located!

However I did manage to keep my self busy, my brother brought me in a sketch book so I could draw, and if your interested Ive posted them on my profile.