Monday, January 28, 2008

Changes...



For the most part things are going rather well. I really can not complain, which in all honesty is a nice change. But what this time of quietness has brought is self examination. With nothing urgent going on and all systems functioning, I am left to see and try to understand how I feel and how I have changed. I can’t not decide if I like these changes in my personality. I am opinionated, and quick to end the drama and bullshit. I don’t see the point in wasting energy on frivolous crap that has little value or meaning. Life is more important and should not be trivialized into the currant treads and fashions that only serve to detract us from our true nature out of some bizarre need to either conform or be damned. Life’s woes should not be a form of entertainment, yet we are attracted to exactly that, because we fear it happing to ourselves. We thrive on excitement and drama like a drug. And like an addict we will create our own unneeded drama to fill the void until something better and even more horrifying comes along to talk about. Are we that afraid of having our own sense of original thought? That afraid to revel in our own unique selves? To explore our own minds in search of something new to say? I find my self coming off as a self perpetuated moral bitch. And I don’t like it, nor do I understand it. But it is how I have changed with this illness. I didn’t find God, I found myself. And now I have to deal with me.

2 comments:

Cynthia E. Bagley said...

Hey Kimba,

Thanks for coming by my blog. How long have you had WGs? I have had the disease for a little over five years. Yahoo!! is all I can say about it.

Cyn

Diane J Standiford said...

Coming to terms with yourself? Tha certainly is not frivolous...could be dramatic though!