Not Agian!

Well, Hate to always sound like Everything I have to say is negative, but it's realy not. I think that writing about my wegener's experance is helping me to understand some of the less desirable things in life. It doesn't take away the fear and worry but it helps me to understand life and the people in it better.
I've been in the hospitail for the past 2 week because of lung complecations. Breathing has become an issue. And last time I checked your lungs were important for survival. Well I just found out that on monday I go into surgery to hopefuly figure out the cause and fix the prolbem. I get to come out of the surgery with yet again more chest tubes shoved into me. The surgen says to me that the chest tube is no big deal! I looked at him and asked him if he was high! I've had 3 of them already and it's not like on the tv show "ER". They are painful! They had to tie me down for the last one because I kept kicking everybody. It's amazing how your body will try to defend itself with or without your consent. You have no real control, your body starts making all the descions instead of your mind. It's a survial tool, something almost primative takes over and you have no choice. I think it's the closest thing we as humans can come to knowing what it would be like to be a wild animal, and not a human. Humans have for the most part lost that wild instinctive side and replaced it with reason and logic. I know that I have to have the surgery, and that it will benifit me in the long run , but that wild side of me wants to run.